Throughout my teens, I was an avid blogger. I would write to express my thoughts, work out my problems, vent my frustrations, and really, just to let out all of that teenage angst I had building inside of me. What I failed to realize during those years on various blogging sites (sup, myspace/blogger/tumblr?), was that I didn’t simply blog as a means for self-expression; I blogged as a form of self-actualization. Let me explain.

Writing has always been my ultimate outlet. It’s a unique practice that allows me to properly release my thoughts on miscellaneous subjects in a careful and somewhat sensitive manner. It’s a practice that allows me to delve deeper into my thoughts as I continue to search for balance and search for the “right” words to express exactly what I mean to say. It’s a practice where I learn more about my subject and more about myself than I would through reading about something or through the means of simple observation. For me, writing in itself, is a learning process.

Grad school encourages students to blog - to write about their thoughts on various articles, books, media items, etc. I never understood what my professors meant when they told me “you write to learn” with every draft of your paper. Until now.

Writing is a reflexive process that encourages you to really think about what had been said/done and how you choose to respond to it. Your initial thoughts on an article may be that the article is completely useless or unimaginative or just straight up messed up (Descola!!). However, when you are forced to write a response paper on it, you are likely also forced to revisit the painful pages of the 30+ page article you initially decided you hated in order to formulate an educated response on the subject matter (although, to this day, I have yet to fully understand the words of Descola). Revisiting the painful pages - or even painful experiences in our lives - is never fun and very rarely, is it ever easy. But, it is still a necessary and foundational step in the writing-learning process. In order to learn from our pain, we need to revisit it. This may seem counter-intuitive to some, but for me, it really isn’t. Here's why.

You see, revisiting the painful pages and painful experiences of our lives is different from reliving it. When we revisit the things that once brought us so much pain, we are approaching them from a different vantage point; whereas, reliving the pain holds us to useless redundancy. In such, the significance of the positionality of the writer in respect to the subject is extraordinary. Revisiting painful pages/chapters/memories allows us to formulate a nuanced, thoughtful, and insightful response to the events that took place. Without returning to the things that once gave us pain from an (hopefully) elevated standpoint, we fail to grow and we fail to learn. In this way (and in my opinion), the “writing to learn” process mildly mirrors the human growth and development process. As we (or at least, I) continue to grow into the person I am meant to eventuate, it is becoming clear to me that I need to revisit the things/memories that caused me stress, frustration, and heartache in order to realize my own progress and growth. Similarly, I need to revisit the pages of my past that once left me confused and hurt in order to properly make sense of what was going on and to gain an alternate and more comprehensive perspective on the subject matter.

This reflexive practice of engaging in the “writing to learn” process is the strongest takeaway from my graduate studies. "Writing to learn" helps me document my growth and helps me balance and transform my confusion into coherence. As I continue to “write to learn”, I am simultaneously “writing to grow”. It’s like the transitive property in mathematics where A=B=C and therefore, A=C. Writing=Learning=Growing; thus, Writing=Growing.

With this in mind as I begin yet another blog, I choose to take my MA supervisor’s wise advice and continue to write everyday. Because contrary to what my gramps says - “I’m small because I’m too scared to grow” - I’m not afraid to grow. Watch me write about it.