I started practicing yoga irregularly seven years ago. Unlike a lot of my fellow yogis, I didn't immediately fall in love with the practice. I liked it, I just didn't love it - which, I think speaks to my greater life, but that's another story. Sure, the attraction of the cute outfits and pretty poses was there, but I needed to spend more time on my mat to really fall in love with the practice - and coincidentally, to really fall in love with myself.
I don't know what happened or how it happened, but I think by the end of 2016 I had simply had enough. I had enough disappointment, I had enough wallowing, I had enough swiping - I had enough of trying so desperately to prove something - anything - to people. I just had enough. So, in January 2017 I impulsively decided to make some serious changes for myself. Now, my friends and family have affectionately told me that I was very high-strung and had a bad temper. I was never really into the whole holistic, green, hippie-like living (unlike my sister). And I'm still not that into it. So when I started this change there was a mixture of confusion and support from my loved ones because they thought it was weird that I got so into yoga so fast, but because they saw how much it changed my attitude towards literally everything, they found it best not to say anything (also, they were likely scared to say anything to me tbh). Anyways, I started concentrating on myself by setting goals and just made myself my own priority. I stopped giving af about what other people (though, to be honest, it was really just one person) thought about me. And I revisited the practice of yoga in mid-January and forgot how good it felt to just...be. But, let's be real, yoga is expensive stretching and I didn't have the dollars to spend on a membership each month. Luckily, my local studio (which has since, become my sanctuary), Moksha Yoga Maple (MYM), was looking for Energy Exchangers (EEs) to volunteer 3 hours of their day every week to give back to the studio in exchange for free, unlimited yoga. I applied and began EE-ing there in February 2017. And the rest is history.
EE-ing at MYM introduced me to a whole new world of good. I converted my desk space in my bedroom to headspace and created the cutest meditation corner. I read that Mari Kondo book about the joys of tidying up and decluttered my space by getting rid of all the shit I had that no longer gave me joy. I began practicing yoga once or twice a week, downloaded a meditation app on my phone (Headspace - which is what inspired the name of this section of my blog), lit minty-eucalyptus candles, set intentions/goals, began writing down daily affirmations on sticky-notes every morning to put on my mirror, googled wtf chakras were and began my process of becoming. I had an alarm on my phone to tell me when it was time to meditate (10:00pm, everyday - I know it's something people usually do in the morning, but it helped me sleep better and more completely at night) and honestly, my meditation time was something I looked forward to everyday because it gave me so much peace, so much clarity, and so much presence. In literally creating the physical space by decluttering my room to make way for better things, I somehow created the emotional and mental space within to do the same.
I quickly increased my presence at MYM and without shame, started showing up on my mat everyday - sometimes twice a day. I actually sometimes wondered whether those working at MYM thought I had a life because I was there so much. But whatever, what I didn't realize at the time was that in showing up on my mat, I was actually showing up for myself. Every time I stepped into that beautiful sanctuary, I was there for me. To better myself. To forgive myself. To heal myself. To treat myself. I was busy creating my own happiness, my own stability, and my own peace. This sounds so corny, but I invested some serious time in myself to make sure that I was happy with my own becoming. And sure enough, after just a month and a half of EE-ing at MYM and 2 months of tender self-love and care, my dream came true: I got into law school. And I know that all this was not a coincidence. It came at a time when I was ready to accept it. I got right within myself and shit got right outside myself. My chakras were finally aligned (something I could only say once I figured out wtf chakras were), my head was finally screwed on properly, and my heart was once again full - the universe forced me to find balance within before adding another layer of opportunity/challenge.
This isn't dissimilar to the practice of Moksha yoga. In the part of the sequence where we learn to feel for balance in toppling tree, eagle, tree pose, and dancer's pose (or really, throughout the entire practice), we need to first get comfortable with the sequence before adding layers of challenges by either changing the direction of our sight or by using props. Once we are able to find our balance in the pose, we are then able to accept additional challenges that allows us to continue to grow our yoga. And honestly, if this ain't the biggest metaphor for life, then I don't know what is because the parallels between my yoga practice and my life are so interconnected that it's difficult to differentiate one from the other. Perhaps, maybe, that's the purpose. That's the point. Yoga mimics life. It is meant to continue to be practiced on and off the mat. And that's what I hope to do - to find balance in yoga, life, law, and everything in between. I may fall out of balance every once in a while, but as all my wonderful teachers at MYM say, "So what? Who cares? Just get right back into the posture when you feel ready". And once again, I need to reiterate - if this ain't a metaphor for life, then seriously what is?! Right now, I'm off balance - something to be explained another day - but, I am making every conscious effort to get back into posture (hence, this blog tbh).
My journey with yoga and my relationship with the practice continues to grow as I consistently find myself needing greater clarity. My chakras aren't currently aligned, but I'm hoping to remedy that with more MYM, more good, and more love and happiness a la Al Green.
Namaste y'all.